THEIR PARENTHOOD vs. OUR PARENTHOOD: MY PERSONAL FEAR OR ANXIETY OF BEING A FATHER

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On a solemn Tuesday morning, my dad questioned me: Do you think with the way you act presently, you can be a responsible father? This is the time you should behave like the kind of father you want to become. I paused and stared closely at my grandparents (paternal) picture placed on the wall and wondered if my grandpa had ever taught my dad “How to be a father” but deep within me again, I identified that sincerely there is no school of parenting. All it requires was to grow up to responsibilities and mature into such roles. So then I told my dad that I was 40% gone and that having finished my first degree, currently doing my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) and with many over – aged girls (two to four years older) asking me when I would be ready for marriage and I am like really? And then a masters degree in view, the next target of course should most likely be to raise a family. But am I ready? Can I commit to a lady forever? Am scared after failed relationships on closely related reasons? The freehand I intend giving my kids, will I change and be harsh when I become a daddy?

All these questions running through my head, asking a girl to be your girlfriend is one hassle; I sincerely think I have been too far away from but then I still do shoulder responsibilities within my family of procreation and my immediate friendship community. But with the responsibility of being a father, is it possible to keep being a cheerful giver? Will money suddenly have too much demand from my wife and kids? But for me, I think that regardless of all the surrounding friends; I can still meet the family demand. But then I am scared that I might change and become mean. But this is just not my person. All these buts’ is sincerely freaking me out. Because I do think that fathering is a whole new scenario to deal with comparing with our own fathers’ way of taking care of us.

 

Yes, there are times when my father is all spending and you would not question but some other times, minor expenses get interview set of questions; then I begin to wonder if that is a way of saying you don’t have money? And well actually being a father does not revolve singularly around money.  Fathering is not complete without a woman and kids because you only become a real father when you have progeny. While being a father is scary, I feel that being a mother is much more work considering the nearness of kids to their mothers than father. While the father is away trying to make ends meet, the mother is stuck on motherly and wifely duties which distances her from her treasured private time because of the kids hoping all over the house and scattering the house. This is evident in my last few days at my uncle’s house, the children and their noise just one hell of trouble. Thank God I finally write this piece.

For me, I want to be a daddy of twins’ girls, beautiful girls. I am this sentimental because I did not have the privilege of having the “sister feeling” and that love I should have shown my sister will be given to my lovely daughters. I can have a male child afterwards anyways. Mothers might prefer boys to girls because of the trouble of girls teenage years but both boys and girls have their difficulties being raised. But regardless I wish to have to girls and for the mother; I PROMISE TO GIVE A HELPING HAND. No wife of mine will even be constrained to the kitchen and motherly duties, she must leave the house every morning and be back by evening, either to the government office place or self-employment.

GENERAL REVIEW

I think that being a father is very demanding even though the mother faces the direct consequences of child rearing. But then it is best that both the husband and wife be gainfully employed to ease the trouble from kids.

In a world where our youths are running away from parenthood but instead chase money (for the guys; legally or illegally) and money for beauty/make – up (for the ladies) it is scary to think that kids of our generation will most likely be deprived of great parenthood which we enjoyed. But I intend playing games always with my girls and spoil them often amidst bringing them up decently and with principles.

Our parents might be conservative in their style of parenthood but that is the best way looking at it in the long run, but how many of us are willing to imbibe our parents’ teachings in this contemporary society of ours?

WHETHER TO BE A DADDY OR A MUMMY. THE TRUTH IS I AM ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR MY FIRST SET OF GIRLS. Parenthood is very much fun looking at it from our own parents. We should all try to push further on their doctrines. But certainly I do not know if I should be anxious or scared of parenthood? TIME WILL TELL!!!

Mijinyawa Mijinyawa

Writer and Reviewer

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